All Kinds of Families
- Your family is unique! Who is in your family? How does it work?
- Single parents can be Mum or Dad
- Different people handle change in different ways
- Children need stability change can make them feel especially vulnerable
- Family change takes time to get used to - for Grandparents, Uncles and Aunts too!
- Whatever kind of family you have, you’re not alone. If you need help, make contact!
All kinds of parents
“Louise is my daughter. She’s eleven. Steve and I split up when she was two. Then I met Mike. He has two sons. His ex-wife has another son with her new husband. And Steve has another daughter with his new partner. It’s confusing enough for me, so I don’t know how Louise copes with it all.”
Warning Signs
Changes in the way your child acts may signal that they are not feeling secure about the changes going on around them. Watch out for feelings of blame or guilt if your relationship with your partner is not working. Changes in how you act can also have a direct affect on your child.
Action
Talk through any changes in family life early - children are quick to pick up “vibes” and so may know if you’re keeping something from them. Keep talking to your child about the new things that are happening to you and your family. Take things slowly and be patient.
What to say
Talk about how you feel about each other as much as you can. A stable family life is important to children, however unusual the make-up of your family. Remind them that they are loved, whatever is happening.
Prevention
Consider counselling, mediation and support agencies as they can often help to spot possible problems before they arise. Know your rights with regard to your role as a partner and a parent. Talk to your child’s school.
Contacts
- School
- Children’s Information Centre (CIC) 0800 328 9148
- Cruse Bereavement 0844 477 9400
- One Parent Families/ Gingerbread 0800 018 5026
- Parentline Plus 0808 800 2222
What is a family?
There’s no such thing as an ‘average’ family - they come in all shapes and sizes. Each different type of family has its own special challenges, so it’s important to understand how your family make-up can affect your child, particularly when things change.
Going it alone
Growing up with one parent can be a good thing, leading to a close relationship between parent and child. If your child does spend time with their other parent, it’s important to help them understand how both of you will be part of their lives and that it’s okay to love both their parents and not feel guilty.
Coping with a death in the family
When we are coping with our own grief at the loss of a partner it is sometimes hard to see how children might react when a parent dies. Every child will act differently, some will feel guilty about still living while one of their parents is dead, others will think about death and loss and who else could ‘leave’ them. Patience and the support of family and friends is key at this time. Support agencies such as Cruse have a helpline to help parents cope and useful advice on their website (see contacts opposite).
Teenage parents
As a young parent, you’ll face many extra challenges. However, all new parents struggle at times, so don’t be embarrassed to ask for support and advice. Your education may have to be cut short, but don’t give up on all your plans for the future as there’s still plenty of time. Remember to think about your own needs and try to enjoy some of the things that other teenagers do like meeting up with friends or going to a club. Make sure that you have good childcare if you leave your child at home.
New families
If you enter into a new relationship, everyone will need time to get used to the new family, this could be more difficult if your new partner has children of his or her own or you are adopting or fostering a child. Change can make us all feel unsafe, so it’s important to make sure everyone feels comfortable with new arrangements. Take things slowly and carefully and try to see things through each other’s eyes, imagining everyone’s feelings in this time of change.
Grandparents as parents/new grandparents
Grandparents can give a welcome extra pair of helping hands and are an important link to family histories and a sense of belonging. But they may need help to come to terms with changes in your family too. They may lose access to much-loved grandchildren when relationships break-up, or have to adjust to new family members when new relationships start. Be aware that grandparents may sometimes have health issues of their own; don’t ask them to do too much as they still have their own busy lives.
Make contact
Whatever kind of family you are, there are many organisations especially set up to help you cope. Don’t feel you have to struggle on alone. Make contact and get the help that you and your kind of family need.
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